Motivation

Success will never be a big step in the future, success is a small step taken just now. ~Jonatan Mårtensson

I own an entire closet full of clothes I can't wear. I also have at least four 18 gallon Rubbermaid containers in the attic full of the same. What you see in the picture is the broken belt loops on one of the three pairs of jeans I own that actually fit me. Three pairs of jeans for seven days a week. I'm sure you can see why the belt loops are in that condition. Especially when you consider that those loops are my "thumb hooks" for hiking my pants up because they have no good place to sit since I no longer have a functional waist. I was at a good weight before getting pregnant with Monkey. I gained 40+ pounds before she was born, and lost all but 10 of it before starting all over with Scootch. After he came along I was even bigger, but I worked out enough to be within breathing distance of my goal. I was doing so good I decided I'd never go back to my heavier weight again so I eliminated all of my "fat" clothes, save for 3 pairs of jeans. Cue the pregnancy with Little Bear.

Well, now Little Bear is a year old, and I still need to drop at least 12 pounds if I want to get into any other pairs of pants. If I drop 25 I could probably take back my entire wardrobe. I've tried just watching what I eat, but that wasn't doing much, so I got a Jillian Michaels DVD to work out to at home. Over a year and I keep making it to the Level 2 workout, then slacking off so much I have to start over at Level 1 again. My list of excuses is a mile long for not exercising. I don't have time to myself since Scootch stopped napping, I don't get up early enough to do it before my day begins since Little Bear has stopped sleeping through the night, I don't have extra cash to afford to sign up for classes.....on and on and on. But New Year, new you, right? That's usually the trend. And I decided to make some resolutions for myself this year. #3 - I want to run around with my kids without getting winded. #2 - I want to be able to try and learn to surf this summer. And #1 - I need to make at least an hour of "me" time at least once a week.

You see the underlying theme, right? There is no weight goal in there, and no outright promise that I'm going to exercise so I'm not setting myself up for failure. But I don't see any of the latter two on the list happening if I don't start working on my strength or endurance. So, last Tuesday I signed up for a combination Zumba and Core class that meets for an hour every week. "Me" time that will help me tackle number 2 and number 3 on my resolution list. Multi-tasking at its best!

Chubba Love

Everyone tells me I look like my kids. And its true, so I usually take it as a compliment since I think they're all darned cute. But one issue I'm sore about is how much I look like Little Bear, specifically in the leg portion. How cute do all those dimples and rolls look on his legs? For me, as it nears shorts and bathing suit weather, I don't think anyone would manage to find my version of chubby legs as attractive. (And if anyone tried nibbling on them like I do to Little Bear, I might research restraining orders.) But I have to confess, as addicted as I am to the cheesecake and ice cream that brought on those rolls while I was pregnant, I'm also sort of addicted to the Zumba classes I'm taking to hopefully work it all off.

I've been trying to lose weight for a few years now. I tried Yoga, then an Interval class, then weights, then Jillian Michaels DVDs. It helped shed a few pounds, but not as much as I liked. I took the Zumba class on a whim because it was new, and involved dancing (which I love) and was supposed to have great results. And color me surprised when I lost 10 pounds after two sessions. So I was well on my way to my weight goal when I got pregnant with Little Bear, only to gain back almost all my progress and more within the next 9 months. And my body parts with pregnancy weight like static cling on a pair of fleece pants. Won't.Let.Go.

So I just started back up with the Zumba classes last week after spending almost a year on workout hiatus, and I have to say, it was so much fun. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed bouncing around to Spanish music I don't understand, and feeling that endorphin rush from working up a sweat. My knees have been complaining a little ever since, but I'm hoping I can take care of that with a new pair of shoes since mine are ancient. When I'm in class, and going with the music along with the 30 other ladies present, I feel like I can do anything. I have little fantasies that I could take up biking or running, or do a 5K. Or maybe get back to my pre-pregnancy weight from before having the Monkey. It's important to have dreams. ;-)

Sitting. Waiting. Wishing.

I've been hibernating over the past 20+ days. I'd like to say its for productive reasons, but really, its because I've been sleeping so much. Even now, when I'm finally home on Maternity Leave, 3 hour naps in the middle of the day are becoming commonplace and seriously cutting into the nesting duties. But with all the general STUFF going on that happens when you're incubating life while trying to juggle the lives of those around you, I'm starting to think the sleep might be the best preparation there is at the moment.

That and it lessens the time I'm conciously agonizing over wanting this baby OUT already. Patience is a virtue I was never gifted with. ;-)

Belly Blog

I should be old hat at this stuff by now, right? I mean third time is the charm and all. It still never ceases to amaze me how much your body becomes possessed when you're carrying a child. Maybe not quite as Linda Blair as you're thinking, but my mood swings do make my (and everyone else in proximity's) head spin with their intensity, the projectile vomiting (which was probably mislabeled "morning" sickness by a man! It's really "all first trimester" sickness) I am thankfully over, but these stupid cravings still linger. Giving me out of body experiences all day long. I mean who wouldn't be going crazy all day trying to type up a report at work while the chanting in the back of your brain is saying "espresso brownies! espresso brownies! espresso brownies!"

So far the cravings have manifested as anything Tex-Mex, cherry slurpees, cheese danish, and (of all things) coffee! Why that one surprises me is that I am a hardcore tea drinker. Like, tea house visiting, tea party throwing, scones and imitation clotted cream tea drinker. All coffee attempts from middle school through college resulted in headaches and heartburn, but add a dash of gestation and I'm consuming at least one decaf-half-milk-three-sugars a day. Like I said. Possessed. And now the espresso bean brownies have taken up the call. The only place I've ever had crave-worthy ones is through this corporate baking company we were given a gift from by another company after the successful completion of a project we were collaborating on. I guess it only takes one time for the taste to be ingrained in the memory bank. So tempting. They could even be delivered to my door if I didn't feel like trekking the 40 minutes to scour the nearest Whole Foods in a vain attempt to not look like a deranged pregnant woman on a mission.

My only gripe is why I couldn't be infused with some positive personality traits instead of being confined to the mentality of a food hoarding squirrel. Some optimism and patience would be welcome treat instead of the persistent call to the nearest Quick Chek. But, c'est la vie, I guess. And so here I sit, scrolling through baby names on the internet and trying to resist channeling Ashley Judd's character in Where the Heart Is by naming baby #3 something like Praline or Brownie. Mmmmm, brownies. Espresso bean brownies. Must. Stop. Thinking. About. Brownies.